I'm not talking about disability today. There's more important stuff for me to address with others and within myself. Our nation is suffering. We've got this wound that's festering and sick. We've got this wound that needs to heal, but most of us would just prefer to ignore it. Most of us pretend it isn't there, give the wound different names, blame it on something else, and become complicit in the sickness.

A few days ago a twenty-one year old white man walked into a historically significant black church, prayed with the black worshippers, and then shot nine of them dead. I will not name that white man. I will not make the excuses that are made on the regular so we can pretend that this is an isolated incident, some crazy with a gun. NO. This is the bloody result of a racist nation that refuses to acknowledge or name its racism. White folks, we have blood on our hands. As much as we cry for incidents like this--and I know a lot of us do cry and feel oh so sad--we are not doing enough. Our tears are selfish. Our tears are meaningless. They are not action. They are not introspection. They are not change.

We need to stop feeling bad in that self pitying way, that helpless way. We need to investigate ourselves. I've been asking myself a lot of questions these past couple of days. I've been asking myself about my own prejudices and my own learned racism. I know it's there. I know I learned stuff growing up in the whitest town in Idaho. I know I've got to unlearn so much that I learned in school, at church, from my neighbors, and even sometimes from my own family. I know I've got to ask myself these really hard questions that sometimes make me ashamed, and I've got to realize that my shame is useless. My shame is not action.

I've got to understand my white privilege. I've got to understand that the ways in which I'm unprivileged don't counteract the privilege I've got from my skin. I've got to use that privilege for good. I know that I cannot and will not be a white savior, but I can be an ally. I can be useful. I can act. I can ask questions. I can look at the people on the ballots. I can research. I can write. I can go to meetings when I'm healthy. My body may not always let me do what I'd like to do, but I can try to be useful. I can try to help excise this ugly wound.

We need to look at our history and name the ugly racism, recognize it for what it is. We need to look at our present and name the ugly racism, recognize it for what it is. We need to let our leaders and our judges and our police--our police especially--know that we will not accept racism. We will not let them blame the victims any longer. We need to recognize our participation in this--for even standing by and allowing these acts is participation. We need to acknowledge and make amends. We need to ask forgiveness. We need to act. We need to act. We need to act.